Seattle has always been a city of refuge for me. It’s one of my favorite cities in this country. It has been easy to visit since now I have friends living there. This weekend I was there, needed a break from my life. It hasn’t been a great year, I have been through a lot of stress and I just wanted to get away and relax.
I have known him for almost a year and a half. He was one of the few decent boys I had met. He had been a good friend, always been there for me. He never judged me and overall he was a nice guy. He has a girlfriend and I have been very clear about our relationship being completely platonic. I trusted him and I could talk to him, I am not very good at making friends and he was one of the few. With all the crap I have gone through I figured I deserved a break. What better way than visiting a good friend in one of my favorite cities, right? WRONG!
I was exhausted after my long flight. We had dinner and since he was a good friend I trusted him and said it was okay if we slept on opposite sides of the bed. He didn’t have a couch, I didn’t want him to sleep on the floor and I was exhausted. The moment my head hit the pillow I fell asleep. I am a light sleeper, small movements wake me up. A couple of hours into the night, I felt him move closer to me. I ignored it. I thought he was just rolling around in his sleep. Five minutes after I felt him scratching my leg with his, it continued for another five minutes or so. I pretended to stay asleep and moved my leg. I felt him tugging at my comforter. I turned away from him. I felt him try to put his hand around me. The scratching had woken me up. I was wide awake. I felt him move closer still. I was at the edge of the bed, almost about to fall off. I made a huge sigh and moved further away still. This time almost literally falling off, my foot dangling off the bed. Then he moved away.
I stayed up all night. The next night I insisted on sleeping on the floor, also the night after. Finally it was time for me to leave. I was hurt, angry, disgusted and afraid. I couldn’t sleep either of the nights. It didn’t help that his house had bugs and I was bitten left, right and center. I felt betrayed. How could I have read someone so wrong? You think you know someone until you don’t. I didn’t call him out on it. I was too disgusted to look at him, He was supposed to be a friend, he had a girlfriend! How the hell could he make a move on me like that? In the middle of the night?
I reached the airport and told him I had been awake the entire time and that I was disgusted. That he should break up with his girlfriend, spare her. His first response was “I was trying to take the comforter from you”. If it really was a mistake anyone’s response would have been, “when? what are you talking about?” Instead he knew what I was talking about. He had a guilty conscience. Besides, scratching my leg? How is that taking the comforter? And if he really wanted it that bad, why didn’t he just wake me up? Why did he move so close? First, he tries to make a move on me and next he tries to insult my intelligence! Nothing worse than a friend trying to take advantage and then gaslighting you.
I feel abused, hurt, betrayed, angry and worst of all I am losing all faith in humanity. I haven’t been good at trusting people, I have been working on my social skills. But now, I don’t believe I can make decent friends. it is as if I attract jerks. How will I make friends? How can I be sure of someone’s integrity? How is it that people are so desperate and undeserving?